Is Your Relationship Progressive Or Stagnant?
By Vodenyi Kivisi Hilary
Many people get into stagnant relationships allowing themselves to stay without doing the right thing – which is to walk away.
Every functional relationship should be progressive. If a relationship isn’t moving forward, then something is very wrong.
(Let me find something to drink fess.)
A female friend spent sometime chatting with me and narrating some of her relationship concerns.
She complained that she wanted to walk out of her relationship, because the guy wasn’t making any plans towards marriage and according to he, that meant the relationship wasn’t progressive.
She explained that a progressive relationship must end in marriage. So, she wanted to alight from a vehicle that wasn’t going anywhere.
I listened keenly without interrupting her, until she had exhausted her concerns, before I gave my input.
I explained that every relationship must be progressive. A relationship that is stagnant is a waste of emotions, time, resources, energy etc. It is not advisable to stay put in a stagnant relationship.
However, it is worthy to note that the goals you set at the beginning of a relationship determine the progress of that relationship. If you had no expectations then it will be difficult to know if you are going forward or backwards. Marriage could be one of the goals, but there are things you should know.
To set the right goals you should understand what progress in relationship entails. There is progress in quality, which is the major type of progress and it is vertical in nature. This refers to happiness, trust, care, respect, partnership, understanding, sexual fulfillment, financial advancement etc in the relationship. There are no boundaries. You can find this in both married and unmarried couples.
There is also progress in status, which is horizontal in nature. This is the progress from being unmarried to being married. It also includes, child bearing and its attendant realities. It is a status thing. Strangely, this is the only type of progression that matters to many.
People pay more attention to this, that they neglect the progression in quality of the relationship not realizing the vertical progression should determine whether they should make the horizontal progression.
The quality is more important than the status. If you have both even better. But it is better still that your relationship has the best quality.
Permit me to even say that a lot of unmarried couples are happier than married ones. Unfortunately, they would have us think otherwise because society has taught us that marriage makes everything bright and beautiful.
We are lying to ourselves because marriage is not everything in the world. The beauty of any marriage is still dependent on the parties involved and how much attention they pay to quality progression.
So, before you start asking if he has engaged you or if she has accepted your proposal, you should ask if he/she has improved in the way he/she treats you. Or if you have improved in the way you treat him/her. You know, because it isn’t just about how you are being treated. It also includes how you have been or are treating your partner.
You don’t want to enters into marriage with someone who does not respect you. Don’t tell me that being married is more important to you than your self respect.
My friend heaved a sigh of relief. I just hope she got something from what I said to her. Well, if she didn’t, I know someone else would.
You need to start evaluating your relationships. Marriage should be a natural transition. If the relationship is healthy and productive, you can proceed into marriage. I don’t think it is wise to try to manipulate or ‘desperado’ your way into marriage. Some people actually believe that once they get married, their partner would start treating them better.
Have you heard of daydreaming before? When you see such people, tell them the story of the daydreamer.
You cannot go into marriage with blind hope imagining things would get better. Faith as they say is “evidence” of things…
If there is evidence then, there is something substance that you can hold on to.
Some people will come and say this is a long post. But they can spend all day on a sub post looking for what their great grand father said in 1845.