The COVID-19 Revelations
Article by Sammy Brown Osimbo
So yeah, we are in that new era, the Corona Dispensation. Unlike our parents, we did not trek ten kilometers to and from school. But if we survive this epidemic, we will have a more poignant story to write about to our children. Can you even visualize that we began the year with tales and rumors of a looming World War III? Even that was put to a clasp. Who knew we could survive a whole weekend without hanging with the boys, booze on the side while glued to an over-dramatized soccer match? Hell, who even knew we’d miss the much-awaited Chelsea Vs Bayern Munich match? That wasn’t for me anyway. My weekends were always wrought with choir rehearsals and other church activities.
It goes without saying that this virus has brought with it a great share of misfortune. But who knew that we (or rather I) would stand today to account for the blessings it has come with? If not for anything else, it has revealed to us who our true friends really are. If anyone you consider a friend is yet to check up on you and showed any concern about how you are even fairing, then yeah, your guess is as good as mine, you are one damn unforgivable fool. In fact, a true friend will be the first to inform you when and where relief food is being distributed (wink*).
In the past, some (especially ladies’) social media have always been inundated with posts of seemingly well-cooked food. In fact, the popular hashtags #wifematerial, #mahariloading, #wivesaremadeofthis, #canyourseven and so forth flooded every social media space. Those ‘tu-dot’ whatsapp statuses, blogs and vlogs of already cooked meals were the ordinary order of the day. Pointless to say, we have resorted to blindly blaming the quarantine, or lockdown, or isolation, or social distancing, or whatever ‘corona terms’ we ignorantly throw around. The silence on this subject of cooking has been nothing less than deafening. Everyone is now focused on ‘staying safe’. The biggest pity is on the husbands who have had to make due with three atrocious and appalling meals a day. Yes man, ain’t nothing you gonna do about it. Lay on the bed you graciously made. Some of my fellow husbands had grown fond of only seeing their spouses in the dark; early in the morning as they left for work and late in the evening from work. Now my brothers, yes, listen to this, they cannot possibly stay with that worn-out stocking covering their hair all day long. Too bad now the curtains are well drawn you have to make due with their real face oh. You thought you had a rough time sleeping due to the nagging every evening from work. Now you got to live with, embrace, even fall in love with it. Stick to it like the boxers you seldom change. That middle place between the rock (Corona) and the hard place (your wife) is not so comfortable is it? This is when you know whether the cows you “paid” made any sense, economic at least, or you simply exchanged a few cows for a talking one.
The greatest tragedy is faced by fathers. Some have only now just realized that they look nothing like their children, or is it that their children look nothing like them. For some, they had to get used to the occasional reference as ‘ankoo’ by their own children. Some are even wondering why their children keep asking for uncle so and so. It is now that some fathers are realizing that a Naivas bag every evening and a monthly cheque as fees to school is not sufficient parenting. Some on the other hand have had to develop award winning acting skills. How they have to look like they care about things that they actually don’t! How they have to answer the dumbest of questions! Is it now that you realize the pay rise the ka-house girl kept asking for was actually well deserved? I had an interesting conversation with a father friend of mine who has three kids aged three, six and eight. He even asked if I knew any good exorcists because he felt his kids could be nothing short of demon possessed. In his own words, he says that when you have children, it is actually very easy to have a good time. That it only took you to step out of the house away from them for a minute and it would automatically feel like you are at a holiday spot at the Bahamas. His “little devils” as he calls them must have been giving him a heck of a time.
In short, Corona, or Rona as some have cleverly shortened, seems to have restored us to factory settings. Could it be that we have been living a lie and nature, or God, or whatever it is you believe in could be re-establishing us on the right path. Could it be it is in this phase that the family structure is being re-calibrated and its fortitude being re-composed to teach us its importance? Could it be that those we thought were our real friends are actually just acquaintances for convenience? Could it be? Lest I be labeled the new conspiracy theorist from Mtopanga, I’ll leave it for you to analyze and make your own judgement. God bless you.